Why is the news the same as the mini-series that was just on? What are the odds of that?

Watch me not care

I'm going to that church and raising hell!

Okay, let me explain this in the simplest possible way...you...are...an...idiot.

I can only think of one thing worse than having all of my stuff stolen. And that is having some of it returned.

Wow. When you do that with your arms, it creates the illusion that you're thinking.

there's those CAPS again

I wish, I wish, I wish I had a spine.

Do you see this thimble? I keep my morale in it.

Asok the Intern: "I have a question about this document marked "Proprietary". If I spent my whole life searching, do you think I would find anyone who would care about it?"